at random...11/30/2009

amanda grace - 7 news weekend midday in new england anchor.  she's becoming a most pleasant part of my weekend routine.  (35 points) 







mark margarit - mark does the weather for 7 news weekend midday in new england.  he walks and talks like a flight attendant.  seriously.  watch him and you will see what i mean.  he gives me a craving for a can of warm 7up and 3 nips of smirnoff. (-15 points)





sara underwood - her husband implied on his radio show that if sara had nicer "cans" she wouldn't be working weekends.

New England's Crappy News

Anchorman and I have been arguing over who has to watch the NECN broadcast. Since he has been spending so much time with the Golden Girls (including Ed Harding) of WCVB Channel 5, I take the assignment of watching New England's Cable News.  Its with this in mind that I watched almost a half hour of NECN New England Cable News and here are my thoughts.

Well its...hmmmm...Its pretty good for a high school new broadcast. But I suspect some of those kids are to old for high school.

NECN version of "Wu" is Kristy Lee and she's OK. Cute and friendly but uninteresting.

Karen Swensen is your typical generic morning show host. Bubbly, friendly, empty and forgettable.

 It is nice that they keep R.D. Sahl employed. I bet its difficult from keeping RD from wondering out of the building and getting lost. Maybe he can't remember his kids names anymore but he can still read a teleprompter.

steve burton - fashion plate for the blind

steve burton wore a powder blue suit (and vest!) on the wednesday evening newcast that needed to be seen to be believed.  i have never seen a suit as silly looking as this without first hearing the phrase "and the next pick in the nba draft is..."

Pray for Mojo

Evidently WBZ Channel 4 has given Jonathan Elias a new exciting segment designed pull in those important 65-85 year old lady and little girl babysitter demographics. Its called One Last Thing and airs each day just before the close of the 5:30 evening  report. In this segment Jonathan gets to relay an heartfelt emotional editorial to the audience about how to be good to each other and love everything like unicorns and rainbows. Today he talked about how scientific proof shows that being thankful can be good for your health. You live a longer happier life if you give thanks more than once a year. I'm thankful I don't believe bullshit like this. I'm sorry but, this emotional moment of "news" makes me feel like I'm on a first date and before the salad gets there she's telling me all about all the kids she wants to have and how her last boyfriend f-ed her over.

Jonathan, do you really write these or is there a team of little girls who do so for you? I believe the Simpson's called it "Bart's People" in the one where Homer gets Mojo, the helper monkey. It was a joke then and its a joke now. I bet your daughter and her friends are happy.

Holiday party, Booooo Yeah.

One of the topics of discussion at the Anchored penthouse is which station is going to have the best holiday party. So I'm going to think this through even if I think I already know.

WBZ Channel 4 - Most likely not the office blow with the accompanying inappropriate employee fraternization you want out of a holiday party. Since Randy Price got busted years ago driving the wrong way down Storrow Drive this party is a get-together and not a party. It will be at a function room at a local wedding hall or the back room at the Kawloon. On a fun scale probably a 5. It will be fine. But when Anchorman and I get there who do we hit on? If Sarah Wroblewski doesn't show then I'm taking my one hitter and calling a cab. I'll pull Anchorman away from Paula Ebben and go to the Tam.

WCVB Channel 5- We probably won't be there for very long because we will get there about 9:00 and the party will have ended at 8:30. The Golden Girls (including Ed Harding) need to get home, take their meds and sleep.

WHDH Channel 7- Now here is a party. I bet I could even get some ativan at this party. It will be some place good like Kings for a bowling party. Booze will flow like wine. Anchorman and I will sift through the wall of douchey sales guys to get to Anne Allred, Victoria Warren, Dylan Dryer or "Cupcake" Nicole Oliverio. I know we talk about how hot this "A" team of ass is but lets not forget about often overlooked Linda Ergas. She looks like she would kill and eat you after a mind blowing sexual encounter and all I can say is count me in. After the party is over we'd all get a cab back to Anne's or Dylan's place, dance and do bong hits until dawn. "Hey Anne you and Dyl want to get breakfast." I've always wanted to say that.

Fox 25- This will probably be a close second place to the Channel 7 party. Sarah Underwood would have a little to much to drink and start bad mouthing her husband Michael Felger from 98.5 The Sports Hub so he will have to take her home early. I would create a river of Captain and Diet cokes for Erin Hawksworth and Dianna Rocco. Anchorman would stumble over to Alison Bologna until he shook her huge claw like man hands. They are not just man hands they are a HUGE MAN's hands. The kind of guy who moves your piano or delivers a refrigerator to your house. He would quickly return. We would hang with Erin and Dianna until we eventually start a fight with the always condescending prick VB. "Come on Erin and Dianna lets get out of here." They would stay. They are right to do so.

So it looks like Fox 25 and WHDH 7 are in a tie for best party.  The deciding factor is VB. Any party he is at is a party I will not be at.  Sorry Erin. See you there Anne.

quick takes: 7news at 5pm - 11/19/2009 (65 points)

victoria warren - in boston with the latest on the swine flu and swine flu related deaths in massachusetts.  she looks fantastic as usual and her delivery is right on.  she didn't make my "best of" list this week because i had to watch too much friggin' wcvb.  vicky - here's a pile of points make up for it:  (45 whopping big points)

six sticks of explosives in the line painting truck that crashed this morning.  uh, what?

christa delcamp - she looks super pregnant today - and totally hot.  nice black dress and her bump is an upbeat, perfect sphere.  she has the story of the guy who killed and cut up his father...but i really don't hear a word she says.  (30 plump points)

matt lorch - has an update on the healthcare bill in washington.  i love how the republicans suddenly give a shit about the deficit.  (-10 points)

top female boston anchors and reporters for the week ending 11/20/2009

chicks division:

1. frances riveria -7news anchor and host of "the dish"

staff comments:

"She has been stepping up her sexiness since Kim Khazei has joined her on the anchor desk.  Her skin tight dresses make me think I’m getting the news from a Filipino Farrah Fawcett."

"frances is committed to excellence and is consistently one of the best dressed.  the black dress from the other night was a jaw dropper."

2. tie: lisa hughes - wbz anchor

staff comments on lisa hughes:


"She is trusting and comfortable."


"a combination of professionalism, talent and looks that is without peer"


2. tie: j.c. monahan - wcvb eyeopener weather

staff comments on j.c. monahan:
"the black f-me pumps she wore on wednesday are still etched in my mind."

top male boston anchors and reporters for the week ending 11/20/2009

dudes division:

1. pete bouchard - 7news weather

comments from the anchor editorial staff:

"He is a rare bird. A weather dude who is not a total nerd. I’d have a beer with Pete."

"the other day he was describing some changes in a weather system in central mass and let out a guttural "nice!" like a kid scoring a sweet goal in NHL '09."


2. jonathan elias - wbz anchor/reporter

staff comments:

"He is comfortable and not too pushy.  You feel comfortable letting him into your home each night cause he won’t stay long and won’t mess your place up."

"he had a good story on the questionable state house priorities in the final hours of the current legislative session.  also - his chemistry with lisa hughes is excellent." 

3. jack williams - wbz anchor and living legend


staff comments:

"jack's tone is perfect for the heavy hitting story."

quick takes: 7news - 11/20/2009 - 3,575 points

dan hausle/steve cooper - the missing mustache has an exclusive phone interview with the 17 year old driver of the lowell hit and run vehicle. (10 exclusive points)  while she sounds very sorry, i suspect she's not as sorry as she will be.  amazingly enough, the victim is in fair condition and is expected to make a full recovery. (35 points).  something tells me that in this case, "full recovery" means a lifetime of nagging aches and pains, an early hip replacement and unfortunately, a premature death.   well, at least she's sorry.

adam williams - i think that adam is one of those guys who is "friends" with a bunch of hot girls - but has no chance of landing any of them.  so, i guess it's smart to befriend mr. williams.

on a completely unrelated note - adam gets a whopping + 3,500 points for his delightful banter with anne allred on his giving up coffee cold turkey (down from his usual 5 cups) and the description of his headache due to the lack of caffeine.



dylan dreyer -this morning's burnt orange silk blouse is well, 2x perky.  (15 points)

anne allred - this blog loves anne allred - but she today she's dressed like kermit the frog. it ain't easy being green.  (5 points)


nicole oliverio - on the scene in duxbury where a highway line painting truck flipped over after hitting the route 3 guard rail.  disaster is averted as they manage to avoid a massive propane leak.  (+15 points)  oh, nicole - you're fantastic, but you should get some winter coat suggestions from michelle relerford.  your off-white coat looks like a pile of plowed snow mixed with with three days of salt, sand and gravel.  (-5 points)

quick takes: 7news at 6pm - 11/19/2009 (91 points)

victoria block - vicki's at the scene of the drag race hit and run in lowell.  the mother/son witnesses are interesting.  i've seen their interviews on 5 (ugh) and fox 25 as well.  their vivid descriptions include:

* the son thought the airborne victim was laundry until he noticed the legs
* the fact that the boy was hit so hard that it knocked him out of his shoes
* the kid landed on his face (7news ran footage of the place where the victim landed while the son said this)

wow.  how terrible.  good news - the cops found the blue acura that they think did the damage.  bad news - no word on who was driving.

vicki also has interviews with the victim's sister and stepfather.

well, i guess vicki block is good for lowell - as lowell looks attractive in comparison. (15 points and a boost in property values)

christa delcamp - is in the studio with the news that john kerry's daughter was pulled over and subsequently arrested for suspected DWI.   the kerry spokesman says she was pulled over for an expired registration and released after testing under the legal limit for DWI five hours later.  christa looks like a wonderfully ripe little summer plum.    (35 plump points)

janet wu - the good wu is wearing a very flattering kinda camoflage-y wrap top and skirt.  it is impossible for me to describe and make it sound hot - but it totally is.  (35 points)

kim khazei -  k2 says "cat fight".  she also describes a 3/4 court shot by garnett that didn't count as amazing.  larry ridley goes on to to describe it as:  

* a heck-of-a heave-ho.
* nothing but string music
* a straight up swish.

larry ridley - he's totally jerking the script tonight - from start to finish. tonight it's slow and steady...with an occasional pinch at the tip. uh, i guess the ladies might like it...  (6 points?)

bob kraft - gets $9m in federal stimulous money for a footbridge to the paris of the '10s shopping/football/entertainment mecca.   (0 points)


off topic:

ll cool j calling chris o'donnell "G" on the new NCIS is funnier than eveything ice-t says on SVU.

quick takes: wcvb eyeopener - 11/19/2009 (-20 points)

my editor asked me to watch more wcvb news this week in an attempt to even out our coverage a bit. 

basically, it's been like watching the news at my grandmother's house.  all that's missing is the plastic cover on the sofa, the smell of chicken pot pie coming from the kitchen and a flatulent irish setter at my feet.  this morning i must have grabbed the clicker 2 or 3 times on impulse to see what was doin' with anne allred - only to put it back down...sadly.   yes, sadly.

as for this morning's "eyeopener", well, let's just say this show is in no danger of being renamed "flyopener" any time soon...
 
bianca de la garza - this morning it appears that the buttons on the front of bianca's purple dress are the hardest working buttons in show business. unfortunately, the dress just doesn't work.  it looks like the drapes from some medieval castle.  sorry bianca.  (- 15 points and a flagon of mead)

randy price - i used to like randy back in the wbz days.  he was okay at 7news.  but wrong way randy is just not happenin' anymore.  i think wcvb needs to start fresh and find the next david wade. (-20 points)  

j.c. monahan - she seems like fun and i'm pretty sure i want to grab j.c., a suitcase of bud cans, a few vodka nips and go ice fishing.  this morning's banter with randy on 2009's "sexiest man alive" was wonderfully playful.  that said - she looked hotter yesterday.  please lose the blazer. (5 points) 


cindy campbell - this smart route traffic reporter is taking the wrong route with the whole richard sharpe look. estrogen to the eyeopener, stat! (- 5 points)

kimberly brockman - she's in hollis nh with the arraignment of an alleged conspirator in the heinous home invasion and murder by machete of the mt. vernon nh woman (as well as the attack on her young daughter).  there is grimly satisfying footage of autumn savoy (age 20) crying like a little bitch (25 points) as he is arraigned on charges of helping cover up the crime and providing a false alibi for 2 of the suspects.  i hope that this footage gets replayed repeatedly on his cell block tv.  sadly, kimberly is infected with the blandness that seems to permeate the newscenter 5 stable of reporters. (- 10 vanilla points).

Note to Channel 4's director

Please keep Jack Williams' teleprompter moving. When he has to pause between sentences, it sounds like he is out of breath because of a medical issue. I want to ask him the same question we ask my 93 year old grandfather from time to time. "Are you going to be alright?"

At least if the Great Jack Williams passed on during a newscast, Lisa Hughes will have the scoop on the story.

"He died doing what he loved"

Back in Black

Heather Unruh - Last night she was again wearing all black with a belt that looked like she made it from extra pieces of linoleum saved from when she redid her kitchen. Most unflattering.


I want to e-mail her myself and tell her how bad it is but I'm afraid she will have me encased in carbonite and sent to Jabba the Hut (or VB at Fox25).

quick takes: wcvb eye opener - 11/18/2009 - 20 points

in this week's editorial meeting, our editor-in-chief got on our asses about the lack of non-jedi coverage of wcvb.  i complained and as a result got stuck with writing 3 wcvb-related posts this week. 


admittedly, both channel 5 and necn get the short end of the stick when it comes to posts on this blog - with the exception of the ongoing "heather unruh looks like a young anakin skywalker" story.  we don't watch channel 5 much because our entire editorial staff is under the age of 60 - although dr. fever makes (a pretty lame) defense of the leader of the "preppy pair" mike lynch.


so here's the second of 3 obligatory posts on newscenter 5: 

bianca de la garza - the image of bianca in a red t-shirt from her ill-fated home segment at fox 25 remains burned into my memory.  this morning she looks good at the desk with "wrong way" randy price.  her delivery of the "female viagra" story is a significant improvement over heather's reading of it last night.  (+15 points and a singapore sling with a funny straw)   


j.c. monahan - i've never paid much attention to j.c.  this morning i'm impressed.  the blue sweater and black skirt totally work and as she stands to left of the anchor desk i spy a pair of shiny black f-me pumps.  (+ 30 points)

randy price - i think wrong way randy and ed harding have the same hairdresser.  (-15 points)

shiba russell - she's at the site of a gym shooting at the marshall school in dorchester.  a colleague of dr. fever's has been trying to sell us on shiba.  i just don't see it.  maybe this morning's cold temperatures froze her face. (- 10 points)


off topic - the sports hub's john wallach.  you aim the ball dude.  you aim the ball.

quick takes: wvcb - 11/17/2009 (-15 points)

heather unruh - manages to make a story for the promising "female viagra" completely unsexy.  (-15 points)

the "female viagra" is an anti-depressant that targets the woman's brain to work its magic (instead of rushing a bunch of blood to the crotch).  that figures.  one side effect is dizziness.  personally, the "female viagra" this anchorman employs is several cc and gingers and some awkward conversation. 

ed harding - ed's looking haggard - with the emphasis on the hag.  especially from the side.  in HD, he and liz brunner look like they've kicked off a "grow an old, bony looking chin" contest.  and how does the breeze in the newscenter 5 studio only seem to muss ed's hair?   (-10 points)

eva longoria - awarded philanthropist of the year by the hollywood reporter.  probably from giving away all of those free boners. (10 points)

quick takes: wbz - 11/16/2009 (- 1883 points)

jack williams -  6 pm telecast starts with jack's authoritative, urgent (and damning) voiceover into ken mcleod's anthony galluccio story.   (15 points)

ken mcleod - at the state house with new details on the galluccio hit and run story.  cambridge police are revealing that some 13 hours before the accident (injuring a little boy) galluccio was driven home from a gas station by cambridge police because a gas station attendant was worried that galluccio was too drunk to drive.  anthony - what kind of life are you living in your spare time?  kudos to the gas station employee who called the cops.  this one sorts out as:

• 15 points for ken's strong. comprehensive report.
• - 30 points to the future toll taker anthony galluccio.
• 10 points for the cops driving anthony home.
• -10 for not disclosing this information when the accident first happened.
• 50 points to the gas station employee who called the cops.

jonathan elias - elias has a story on the state house priorities in the last hours of the current legislative session - specifically hearing expert testimony on the use of some sort of hook in controlling circus elephants.  in the report, elias has a hallway interview with a state senator where he questions the priorities of the state legislature.  instead of making a case to defend the bill and why he thinks it's a high priority, the state senator's response is to do his imitation of the martin short 60 minutes SNL sketch by trying to defect the question by questioning the priorities of tv news - citing their coverage of britney spears related stories.  (15 points for elias).  (-20 points for the senator's bad martin short imitation).

bill shields - bill is getting reactions from patriots fans on the belichick 4th down call.  it looks like bill enjoys a cocktail or two. (5 points)

town of charlton: giving town workers two paid weeks off near christmas to save money.  after seeing interviews with the town residents one thought comes to mind: i'm glad i don't live in charlton. (-10 points)



steve burton - hey steve, say "islanders" five times fast.  (-5 bumbling points)

red sox raising ticket prices: i will never buy another red sox ticket. (- 1918 points)

Vicki Block, a Haiku for you.

Vicki, please no more.
Wear the Monkey Lady veil.
Its better for us.

quick takes: fox 25 morning news - 11/16/2009

kim carrigan has trouble saying "law school".  as a result, the fox 25 audience will think that they can get a post graduate degree in making picnic side dishes at the umass dartmouth school of slaw. (- 15 points)

cindy fitzgibbon - looks good in her grey tweed suit.  i dig cindy and her general on-air friendliness.  (15 points)

gene lavanchy - geno is well-liked by the blog because he was one of the last good #1 sports anchors in boston and also because we suspect he hates the loathsome john dennis.  this morning gene has a promo with dr. mehmet oz where they discuss the existence and location of the female prostate.  apparently it's where the G spot is.  (15 educational points)

butchie's farewell - 55 points

last thursday was butch stearns' last sportscast.

butch opened with a decent montage that emphasized butch's best attribute: his connection with the fans.   any montage that includes a sports anchor serving drinks to fans at spring training is okay with us here at the anchor.

the montage was followed by a heartfelt thanks from butchie to the audience, those behind the scenes at fox 25 and some of the guys he's been teamed with in the past - like levan reid and tom zenner.

he left on the springsteen quote "i don't know where i'm going but i know i won't be back" and then made a quiet exit up the stairs of the fox set.

this is was followed by silence and a cut to an overhead shot of mark ockerbloom, maria and kevin lemanowicz looking sad and at a loss for words.  as kevin regrouped and began the five day forecast, you could hear maria break down.

a somewhat moving and completely classy exit.  (45 points)

a bizarre, distressed sound emanates from maria the foxy franchise as fox cuts to commercial. (10 curious points)

an unruh haiku

hi heather unruh

clad in black - jedi goes bad

ah, no force for you

flipping back and forth - wbz and 7 news 11/12/2009

wbz 4:


lisa hughes - you're a comfortable slipper on a crisp autumn evening. (30 wool-lined points)

jonathan elias - a bit stone phillipsy but ultimately solid.  right on with his comment on the ridiculous danvers high school story (see below). (15 points)

steve burton - he's become acceptable in the studio over the years...i guess.  his live interviews are painful and i don't think they'll ever get better.  no, not ever.  (2 reluctant points for effort)

peg rusconi - me like peg.  me also like her story on a woburn couple's attempt to get a restraining order against the allegedly dangerous state rep stephen smith. for what it's worth - they seem genuinely afraid of the guy.

karen anderson - story on danvers high school banning kids from saying "meep" (yes, like the roadrunner) because a biology teacher felt threatened by some students saying it - probably loud and repeatedly to the point of extreme annoyance.  a kid got a detention for saying it after the ban was in effect.  are you friggin' kidding me? (-20 points)


7 news:


linda ergas - linda's rockin' one awesome ponytail today.  she's got a cute interview with girl in charlton who climbed out of a car seat and jumped out of a moving car during a tantrum.  nostradmus predicts "quite a handful in 12 years."

frances - the fine filipino is in black and successfully avoids looking like a certain young jedi.  an unconscious slight smile of a wink during the story of the woman safely jumping out of the 2nd floor of a burning house makes me melt.  (35 points)  east providence...no smoke detectors.  check.  (-15 points)


pete bouchard - note to the rest of the anchored2tv staff:  i think it's cool to add pete to the anchor club.  i think he's probably cleverly funny without being annoying like jack edwards. (5 points)



and back to 'bz:



karen anderson - a busy day for karen.  now she's on the scene at a fire in dorchester.   excellent interview with the firefighter that (hopefully) saved the life of a 14 year-old girl.  she is currently in critical condition. (45 hopeful points)

Really Anchorman?

Hank Phillippi Ryan?  How many is a few?  And would these few be 70 or 80 ounces?

Have you seen her promo? The one where she is walking full of determination at the camera?  She walks like it hurts. And her name is Hank. Hank!  Say out loud the words " Yeah, I'd bang Hank." and tell me how that feels.

you know you're getting old when...

your friend emails you: "would you give it to hank phillippi ryan?"

and you write back: "after a few - probably."

Black on black crime

So I was talking to my Mom last night and she ask me a question about Heather Unruh that is quickly becoming one of the top items of discussion with the Anchored Team. She says "Johnny, why does Heather Unruh wear black on black all the time?" I don't know Mom. She is so depressing with the black pants suit and blazer. It’s like someone is trying to sabotage her  career in some kind of rejected plot for a bad sitcom . If she starts wearing black gloves then she truly has gone over to the Dark Side. I used the "She looks like a young Anakin Skywalker" line but it was lost on my Mom. Please Heather start with some color so you don't look like a white dot floating above a void.

train recchi

i just saw alice cook's feature on mark recchi.

admittedly, it's been a while since i watched wbz on the big tv, but holy shit...what happened to alice cook?

i'm nearly speechless.

first of all, in HD she's become a bit tough on the eyes.

secondly, her feature on recchi was strange and kind of stupid...ending in this exchange:

cook: did you have a lot of hair when you were dra...

recchi: yeah, a lot of hair, yeah.

cook: '88...what did you look like in '88?

recchi: um, i had the big, uh the mullet back then.  the big mullet, big thick hair...now i don't have any...losing it quickly...

cook: men and woman had a lotta hair back then...ok, this is me interviewing wade boggs...

alice then inexplicably pulls out a photo of her interviewing wade boggs and hands it to recchi.

why does alice need to insert this into the story?  why does she manufacture this irrelevant, somewhat self-promotional contrivance?  does anyone watching a bruins story give two shits about alice cook in a stupid 80's hair-do talking to wade "moustache rides" boggs?  unless there's an actual moustache ride going on in that picture - count us out.

"Ich bin ein Berliner."

Jonathan Elias- when referring to JFK's speech from Berlin he said Kennedy’s "Eeek bean...well his German speech". (minus 10 for miss pronouncing a quote from one of the most famous speeches in the last 100 years and plus 5 for me not knowing you existed. -5 total.)


Paula Ebben- I've been trying to figure her out for a few weeks now and I think I've got it. It took a while because I was distracted by her hair that moves independently of her head and her spring break party rack. What bothers me is she is forcing sincerity on me. She just seems to be forcing her friendship in my face. It’s like when religious people come to my door. Just way to friendly right off the bat. (minus 5)

Same thing goes for Ed Harding. His delivery is comfortable and flows well but I just keep waiting for the sales pitch. I feel like if I watch WCVB to long I'll own a time share. (minus 10)

butch stearns replaced by a watch and/or phone

in this morning's herald, jessica heslam (yum) gives butch stearns the opportunity to remind potential employers that he was not let go due to performance and also to show that he's hip to new media:

“I can’t speak for Fox, but the reason I was let go was not performance-related,” Stearns said.

butch tells the herald: “Right now, I can get my information on my watch or on my phone. Things are so immediate now that the job of a TV sportscaster has changed dramatically.”

so butchie thinks he's gone because people can get sports news from a phone?  i'm not sure i'm following butch's math here...but from this statement, he clearly has as firm a grasp on new media as he does on plagiarism.



yup. butchie is a regular web 2.0 visionary.  we here at the anchor can't wait for further details on the planned launch of butchstearns.com.  i can see the pitch now: "come to the site of a guy who's out of work as a result of the evolution of how sports information is now accessed and consumed."



BTW - as of this morning, it appears that the butchstearns.com domain is parked at go daddy and available for purchase.

<< update: butch now has a landing page up.  >>


jessica's article also reports that butch has already "interviewed and met with dozens of people about his next step over the past five to six weeks."


at the plush offices of the anchor - all fingers are crossed for our pipedream of butchie (or anyone) replacing ass clown gerry callahan at weei.  then it's one hateful turd down and one gin-bloated douchebag to go. 



butchie, while you're no don gillis or bob lobel - you're no zip rezzipa or bob gamere either.

why do i always feel the need to grab the purell after typing the name "bob gamere"?


butchie's last segment is this thursday.

Zombies Are Real

I took Friday 11/6 off to do research on the Noon news.  I assembled a team of highly opinionated and trusted advisors and to dig into the the mid-day editions.  Here were my thoughts from the meeting:

The Channel 7 mid-day news has a new look and a new style that makes me think they can read my mind. Now it's a solo show with Anne Allred doing all the news without Adam Williams. Adam is fine (for a total wuss) but having him on mid-days with Anne is like the reason we stopped using airplanes with 2 wings (bi-planes); we don't need it anymore. Sorry Adam, but you were taking up way too much air time from Team Blonde.

It's Anne over to Dylan back to Anne. That's an equation for success. Toss in a few full standing shots of Anne and 7 is a big winner at noon. Oh, and a huge bonus for the editor that put in the full body side shot of Anne helping the guy from The Office John Krasinski "Local Actor Done Good" clip on his mic.

So I switch over to WCVB to see what's doing on their mid-day show and am shocked into an involuntary scream as I'm reminded that Susan Wornick returns from the grave every day to anchor the noon news. Why in God's name? Her face has this strange smoothness and color of the clown who files the helicopter in the movie FX2 starring Bryan Brown and Brian Dennehy. Her speech patterns and emotions indicate that Nurse Ratchet is her PCP.

So my colleagues and I flip back and forth between 7 and 5 with alternating screams of fear and sighs of comfort. I'm confused why WCVB keeps letting Susan Wornick's voodoo on the noon news when Bianca de la Garza is ready, willing, and as Anchorman has said, "nearly single and 'bout ready to mingle." For shame WCVB. For Shame.

off topic: sports hub quickly cuts into 'eei's piece of the ratings pie

per the globe's chad finn, the sports hub is already making inroads against the smug behemoth weei in the arbitron ratings.

from finn's story:

"The Arbitron ratings for the period Sept. 17-Oct. 14 were released yesterday, and as usual, WEEI is rightfully pleased with its numbers, finishing first in the morning, second in afternoon drive time, and fifth overall in the market.

The catch, though, is that the fledgling competition is justifiably ecstatic with theirs.

The Sports Hub climbed from 17th in the market in September to 12th in October, its overall share increasing from 2.5 to 3.6. But the truly spectacular progress came elsewhere. Consider:

• The afternoon drive program “Felger and Massarotti’’ finished fourth in the 18-49 male demographic, edging the long-entrenched “The Big Show,’’ which was sixth.

• The Sports Hub’s cumulative audience - the number of listeners that tuned in during the ratings period for more than five minutes - was 780,100, up from 488,000 a month ago and actually surpassing WEEI’s 696,700 “cume’’ in October.

• In the coveted core demographic of men ages 25-54, The Sports Hub bounded from 12th in September all the way to third, increasing its listenership by nearly 50 percent as its share rose from 4.0 in September to 5.9 last month."

the sad news is that they have yet to make a dent in the morning drive ratings of those friggin' ass-hats dennis and callahan. 

btw - if sucking one's own dick was an olympic sport - 'eei would walk home with all of the medals.   

yer out! butch stearns out at fox 25

the herald's jessica heslam reports that butch is out at fox 25:

"FOX 25 confirmed yesterday that they have not renewed Stearns’ contract but wouldn’t comment on their reason for letting him go. Stearns - the station’s top sports anchor - isn’t being replaced."

butch will be remembered at anchored2tv for his idiotic on air editorial defense of ron borges' alleged plagiarizing while ron was still at the globe.  butchie - a job at BUs school of communications is not in the cards.

note to dr. fever and gerald: shitcan our upcoming feature "is your fifth grader smarter than butch stearns?"

quick takes: 7 news - 11/5/2009 40 points

dave kartunen - a relatively quack-free delivery of the overview of the ft. hood shooting on the initial break from the obama press conference.  (10 points)


matt lorch - boston tv's leading adam sandler buff does a pretty good  "poor man's john king" with a digital map of the fort hood area.  (15 points)

byron barnett - byron's on the scene in belmont with the terrible story of an 18 year old girl taking a short cut across the tracks and getting hit by the commuter rail.  

ryan schulteis - also in belmont with an interview with the girl's neighbor.  sort of an odd editing choice to have the interview open with neighbor saying "she was a beautiful, asian girl."  maybe it's just me. (-5 points)

frances rivera - the fine filipino is in leather.  her white blouse is ruffled.  frances is also a bit ruffled as she fumbles badly on the hand off of the david krejci swine flu story to joe amorosino.  thankfully, joe does not fly into a rage.  (0 points)
 
nicole oliverio - did the cupcake have a late night last night?  good for her. (35 points)

7 news - you're just showing the video of the russian forklift driver destroying $170k worth of vodka now?  that clip has already made the rounds. i'll bet even the 'cvb golden girls have shown it.  (- 15 unhip points)

***
on usa - tonight it's gibbs in a coma - part 1.  he can be such a rich man's hasselhoff sometimes.

quick takes: fox25 - 11/03/2009 - 71 points

diana rocco - story on attempted car jacking in boston by homeless guy.  the victim and (eventually) the valets fight back.  diana is looking pretty tonight and has a tough ergas air about her.  (10 points) 

shirley chan - story on another green line groper.  he allegedly grabbed the ass of a teenager and then allegedly admitted this to the victim.  man, it seems like the perverts are on the loose this week.  shirley chan looks all good in her smart, shapely red blazer.  she's one to watch. (15 points)

fox 25 has the fox national guys relishing the republican victories in tonight's mid terms.  (0 fair and balanced points) 

rhode island closes the loophole legalizing indoor prostitution. do they go after haven bros next?  where's buddy cianci when you need him? (-10 points)

maria stephanos - the foxy franchise repeatedly says "prostitution".  (15 points)

sharman sacchetti - oh look, i think cruella deville has a story on tufts cracking $50k/year.   (-101 points)

quick takes: wbz - 11/3/2009 65 points

tuesday night - no time-sucking ncis marathon on usa.

so over to 'bz...

karen anderson - it's the first time i've noticed karen.  i was too busy listening to her story to check her out.  maybe this is good in some way?  she's in roxbury covering today's election and possibility menino's unprecedented fifth fucking term.  footage of flaherty and yoon and a rare street interview with a woman actually able to articulate decent, clear reasons for her support of menino.  this is not intended to be a shot at women - just at people in general.  (5 points) 

hospital stabbing story - there are elements of honor, decency and class in this sad story.  (35 points)

lisa hughes - hits it out of the park every night.  she's head and shoulders above anyone when it comes to presenting a story with a genuine sense of really understanding it.  (35 points)

kate merrill - cities and towns installing cameras at traffic lights to forcefully take more money from taxpayers and non-taxpayers alike.  that's fucking great.  what's the over/under for the start of the revolution?  kate - you're awfully good...but today i'm shooting the messenger. (- 10 points)

steve burton - i just think he's a goof.  the state of number one sports anchors in boston is sad.  is twibell available? jesus, is roger twibell still alive?  does he even need to be?  maybe i should flip over to fox 25 just so i can have a reason to rip on butch stearns.  (-15 stuttering, unhelpful, distracting adjective points)

alice cook - typical pats mid-week report.  in each moment, alice's eyes manage to say, "back to you neumie."  i'm looking at her and thinking, "jeez, skaters age well...but then i remember nancy kerrigan and tonya harding.  alice - you keep on keeping on. (15 points)

A tale of two reporters

It’s no secret that if Anchorman and I got into the Channel 7 Christmas party I would spend my time chatting up Anne Allred and Nicole Oliverio. Anchorman would feed Victoria Warren a river Captain and Cokes until security was called. Anchorman and I have had the Oliverio/Warren debate almost every time we are killing time at the Anchored2tv penthouse.

In watching both reporters cover the horribly tragic story of the NH boy killed on Halloween night by a falling tree limb I realized I must give some ground - I've come to realization that Victoria Warren is the better reporter. She delivers the emotionally crushing story with the right "everything is going to be alright" voice you need during such a sad life moment. She gives you a hug through the TV, holding you close and rocking you back and forth. She says "Shhhhh I'm here for you."  Nicole, ah, not so much. She delivers the story in her usual emotionless way. No comfort, no hugs.  Just the facts.

It is true that I have a long history of choosing the wrong women, and it seems to be true here as well. So I would like to officially say that Yes Anchorman you are right. Victoria is the better reporter and she looks great in the New England autumn. Perhaps the Channel 7 Christmas party may find Victoria surrounded by the two of us and a sea for Captain and cokes. At least I'll always have Anne.

And off topic: Yes Anchorman, Tonya (real world/road rules) is totally crazy. Charles Manson watches her andy says "Damn that chick's nuts." Much like Manny, her days were always numbered. You can't keep a rabid animal in your garage forever. Eventually it will escape or eat your face off. Everyone knew this on her first day of shooting and you should have known this too.

We Like 'em cute

Why is it that in New England we like our weather girls to be cute but not blazing hot? This is a question that is often a topic of discussion at our weekly blog meetings in the Anchored2tv penthouse. Gerald believes it hurts their creditability to be too hot. Yeah, it might be a little of that, but I believe it’s more that our old New England puritan ways are seeping through. Anything that feels good must be bad. It's why my step Mom still tries to buy a car without air-conditioning. If you are comfortable and happy then you must not be working and there for you are going to Hell.

J.C. Monahan from channel 5 or Cindy Fitzgibbons on Fox are cute but not hot. They are the girls who were runners up in the homecoming pageant in High School.  Sara Wroblewski, as I have mentioned before is the "cute friend of your girlfriend".  The one who properly walks the line between cute and hot is Dylan Dryer. Like this morning's pants suit, very hot but then her banter with Anne Allred is a mudslide of cuteness.

I'm not asking for the super-galactic hotness of the Spanish weather girls Mary Gamarra or Jackie Guerrido But somewhere in-between might be nice. We'll get out weather reports, feel good even if the reports calls for wind driven icy rain and total darkness and stay out of hell.


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