Tuesday, December 29, 2009

on the road - KUSI san diego

anchored2tv sent me to the west coast to do a little research on california local news.

my west coast tour begins in san diego - home of my blog name: anchorman.

my expectation was that california news was going to be overflowing with hotness. 
well, at KUSI in san diego - this is not the case. 

KUSI's website states:

"KUSI is the rarest of the rare, a true independent television station"

independent, yes.  completely independent of hotness.

KUSI has no jillian barbarie type weather girls.  the weather team consists of john coleman, joe lizura and dave scott.  the newscast i watched featured the bow-tied dave scott.  excruciating. 

KUSI's faint ember of hotness on tonight's newscast is the cougar-ish sasha foo.  was this woman on the bret michaels show?  sasha stumbles several times in her delivery and the banter between sasha and the others at the anchor desk is stiff.  i find myself pining for lisa hughes and jonathan elias.

with hope, my fortunes will change as i check out other stations in san diego.  i will also be making stops in san jose and LA on this trip.    

Monday, December 28, 2009

A fastball right down the middle.

WBZ Channel 4 sports reporter Steve Burton "questions" during the Patriots Post Game press conferences are the worst ever asked by a grown up.

Steve Burton to Tom Brady- "So Tom great great day today. When did you know you were on?"  Idiot.

Steve Button to Wes Welker- Wes you are just totally awesome in every way. Would you sign my Trapper Keeper?

OK well the second one didn't happen - but Steve is terrible. Most guys in a sports press conference have one goal. To ask a question that will make themselves look smarter than everyone else in the room. I don't know what Steve is doing. If I wanted to see Tom Brady hit soft balls, I would ask him to join my softball team.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

You are welcome

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Quote of the day.

Anne Allred- "If you like it easy and with chocolate. Then I'm your girl."

Thanks Anne I do like it easy. The chocolate, I can take it or leave it depending on how easy it is.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

off topic - request to mtv

hey mtv - please get to work on giving pauly d and "the situation" their own show.
their misadventures trying to get laid by the bottom of the clubbing barrel has become "must watch tv" in my house.

Storm Awards

Best on Scene Reporter- WHDH channel 7's Steve Cooper. In a 2 minute shot he moved from a local Emergency vehicle to the top of a mountain of plowed snow in the Burlington Mall parking lot. Most reporters would just shown the top of the pile nearing the bottom of a traffic light. Not Steve. He climbed to the top while we were seeing shots of cars driving and plows plowing. Then he climbs down on camera to end the report. I keep waiting for him to fall like the chef on Sesame Street who announces how many chocolate cakes he has then tries to go down stairs. His crash is always funny and so would have been Steves' were he not a super cool on scene reporter who's middle name is "Danger". Steve knows what you need to do to report well from the middle of a storm. You have to let the storm abuse you. The viewer has to see how bad conditions are. Maybe its the waves crashing over a sea wall on to your head or the struggle to stand up in the face of powerful wind. Danger Cooper knows he has to live the storm so we the viewers can experience the storm from underneath our Sunggies.

Best Weather Graphics- WBZ Channel 4 in a surprising upset takes this award for the suprising number of ways in which they show the same fact about the storm with different colors and 3D effects. At first I thought this was stupid until I realized I had watched the whole report with out switching to J.C. Monohan on channel 5 or Dyl on 7. For the forgettable team Todd Gutner and Ken Barlow that's saying something. These two have no chemistry. They make the weather sound as interesting as a PG story about a company christmas party. Channel 4 does always have the best looking water graphic during their regular news casts. I don't really have a reason why it just looks cool.

Sissy Voice Award- Todd Gutner still has his pre pubescent high voice. Its like seeing a really wealthy school's Middle School News report. Because they can afford such awesome graphics. Dawn Haswbrook's voice is like 2 octaves lower. I figure the difference is the same as if Kermit the Frog was speaking to Michael Clarke Duncan.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

But I'm a really good skater

Adam Williams should take more days off. When he does i get to wake up with Channel 7's All Star team of tail Anne Allred, Dylan Dryer and Sorboni Banerjee. Thank you WHDH. To add to the mystique of the moment was that Anne and Sorboni had this Good Girl/Bad Girl thing going on. Anne was wearing a sexy little black dress and Sorbiani was representin' a low cut white blouse. (Which I understand to be what a man would call a shirt.). I got the feeling I use to get when I watched The Grind on MTV. Today would be a good day.

Yesterday is the day I should have called in sick and gone down to Frog Pond Skating rink on the Boston Common. They had some charity event for kids or disease or something like that with some local celebrities and hot chocolate. In attendance Channel 5 WHDH weather cuttie J.C. Monahan and rebounding hottie Bianca de la Garza. I know but wait. Also Team Blond Dylan Dryer and Anne Allred stumbling and giggled around the ice like two high school girls on a field trip to the big city. All the while NESN's Katheryn Tappen and Nana Cooke gracefully glided around the rink. Kathering is fantastic and can hold her own when talking to Mike Milbury about hockey but I still prefer Heidi Watney.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Mmmm yeah

I want a ring tone of Jack Williams saying "Llllavish Lllifestyle". Its warm, rich and feels bad for you like extra Hollandaise sauce on eggs benedict at the Sports Depot.

OFF TOPIC: Best move of the week was NESN replacing Jack Edwards with Bob Beers on The Instigators. Beerzie is the natural third with Milbury and Brickley. They all played hockey Jack. Now go brush your teeth.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Sorry Cupcake

I really hate to do this but I have to take some points form "Cupcake" Oliverio. Today on the Channel 7 morning news she was covering the "Femme Nikita" story and referred to Nikita Silva, the girl who had to escape from a moving car to avoid finding out what condoms are used for as the "suspect". I think it’s a good rule of thumb that if you jump from a moving car you are not the suspect you are the victim. Sorry Cupcake but Minus 5

quick takes: fox 25 news at 6 12/9/2009

mark ockerbloom: mark talks about today's mix of rain and snow as well as the ice storm that "clobbered" new england exactly one year ago.  mark says "clobbered" like andy brickley says "powah play".

sara underwood: mrs. felger is looking pretty darned good tonight.  the serious black dress totally works. (20 points) on the story about the ct. calf with the cross on its head - she mistakenly refers to the calf as a "she" a couple of times. (-10 points) she looks a bit dazed, confused and momentarily disengaged during a stand up with mark and kevin lemanowicz and also ends up having to explain her ebay joke about the "cross calf". (-5 points) sara scores points with us at the anchor with the report on german researchers announcing that beer hops can help prevent prostate cancer.  (99 foamy points)


erin hawksworth: today erin harksworth is erin hawtsworth as she looks hawt despite being bundled up like a little new england snow bunny.  (65 points)

erin's got the story of willian viera's internet romance gone sour.  soon after willian picked up 18 year old high school cheerleader (really?) nikita silva in his dodge intrepid it became clear to nikita that willian's intentions were a bit different than hers.  willian's plan involved condoms...and i have no idea what nikita's plan involved.  the resourceful la femme nikita averted further trouble (read: getting pawed further by viera) by calling 911 from her cell phone.  police were able to locate willian's dodge intrepid via nikita's phone's GPS on the mass pike and set up a "rolling roadblock".  seeing her opportunity for escape as the car slowed in traffic near the route 30 exit, nikita jumped out of the still moving car, spraining her ankle.  a "civilian dispatcher" monitoring the situation located viera by way of some online database.  viera was arrested at his natick home.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

quick takes: newscenter 5 at 5 12/09/2009

mike dowling: the third banana is in foxboro to tell us about the new baby brady.  jesus, mike's got more liver spots than a VFW full of guys who stormed omaha beach. (-65 points)  mike's report has a clip of belichick giving a deadpan breakdown of tom brady vs. baby brady including a comment about the baby brady being able to run faster than tom.  funny stuff.

breaking news: coming out of dowling's report, ed harding sucks the air out of the studio with a baby brady joke as lame as chief robert t. ironside. (-25 points)

liz brunner: as i listen to her banter with ed harding, i can't help but suspect that liz is one big phony. (-13 points)  she does look good during her stand ups in her snug black pants. 

john atwater: it snowed today so john has the obligatory report reminding us how much worse the snow is for people in worcester.  john interviews a guy from fairbanks alaska kind enough to help extricate another guy's stuck truck - even with a cast on his wrist.  (15 points).  john looks like a thin ivan drago.   

harvey leonard: harvey's smart to remind the channel 5 audience that snow is heavy and that shoveling it strains the heart.  he says this with genuine concern.  it's important for harvey to emphasize this as the average age of the newscenter 5 audience is 58.  harvey is one of the few bright spots at 5.  (15 points). 

the owners of buttercup farm in sterling ct. have a special calf they have named "moses".  moses is a 1 week old brown calf with a white patch on its forehead roughly the shape of a cross.  a woman at the farm says that moses "really looks at you when you talk to him.  he has a look in his eye like he wants to tell you something."  sure he does.

My what beautiful hair you have.

Great new website at WHDH Channel 7. Some cool features like "Follow Sky 7" which is a great time waster at work. But what I love most is the video bios for the anchors. The whole redesign is worth it just to see Anne Allred and Dylan Dryer doing their hair together in Anne's bio. I bet they are gossipin' about boys and havin' pillow fights too.

Francis Rivera's video is peppered with clips of when she used to be a scene reporter. It's really just her showing off her angelic hair and how much she loves leather jackets. Looking at her hair I forget the Patriots lost to the Giants in the something something something. However, I still don't think we are getting to the real Francis here. I think we are getting the The Girlfriend Experience from her. Come on Francis, would it kill you to let on that you and Linda Ergas like to split a bottle of Kendall Jackson and shake it at an 80 Dance night?

quick takes: 7 news at 6pm - 12/7/2009

7 news has great aerial footage from sky 7 of the house fire in new bedford augmented with some pretty good cell phone pics from viewers on the scene.  christa delcamp has a live phone interview with a neighbor on the scene.  overall, an excellent execution of integrating sky 7 and different types of viewer submitted content to cover a breaking story.  well done.  (30 points)

frances riveria - the fine filipino is in a clingy brown dress.  she looks like the world's most awesome fudgsicle.  i am totally heading to the white hen when i'm done with this post.

janet wu - the good wu is in brockton in front of a house that contains over 500 pot plants.  while nobody was in the house at the time of the raid, brockton police have lifted fingerprints off of the extensive irrigation and air conditioning systems (oops!) and expect to serve 3 arrest warrants shortly.  i am on a big time good wu kick these days. (45 green points)

the best two things about tonight newscast:  nbc reporter stephanie stanton's jugs. she is in the mojave desert covering the sir richard branson space plane story.  screw branson's space plane.  wouldn't it cheaper  and more fun to fill ms. stanton's big boobies with helium, strap yourself on and go around the world?

steve pagliuca is much fatter than i realized.

vicki warren looks 10 kinds of scrumptious in her green north face snorkel jacket. (40 points).  she's got the interview with the "purse stuck on the red line train woman".  the "purse woman" is very pretty cute (and apparently a bank VP!) now that her facial injuries have healed up a bit.  the surveillance video indicates that her face slammed the T station wall pretty hard and it's not hard to believe her when she says she lost consciousness.  vicky is interviewing both her and her attorney chuck mathers.  in the background i can hear the beep of the brinks truck backing up for a big payout for this bank VP and chuck mathers esq.  upon settlement, she will become one of the boston's most desirable women and our subway fares will double.

victoria block - vicki's in lynn with the story of 30 year old anthony gobie (sp?).  anthony is charged with 15 charges of assault with intent to murder.  nice.  mr. gobie attempted to get served at the bar of the china lion restaurant in lynn but was denied for being too intoxicated.  mr. gobie's logical response was to return to the restaurant with an ak-47 and to open fire.  a ballsy customer prevented a bloodbath by grabbing the ak-47 while it was still being fired. (50 points).  in mr. gobie's defense - he claims that he was denied service because he was white.  (-35 points).

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The nominations are in.

That's good reporting there Mr. Ed Harding.  Ed pulls out an actual bottle of Tiger Woods brand Gatorade from under the anchor desk for the story about Tiger's flavor being cancelled. Hello, anchor of the year award. It must be a paid endorsement. Would Jack Williams stoop so low? I think not.

The only award I can see Ed getting is the Yahoo Serious Worst Hair In Boston News award. Ed, your hair looks like you spent all day coloring it with a brown magic marker and cutting it with lefty scissors. (minus 20)

Monday, December 7, 2009

She's got a condo made of stoneah

Lisa Hughes and Jack Williams have the best banter in Boston news. Passing it from weather to sports Lisa says something like maybe the cold weather next Sunday will help the Pat play better. Stupid, yes but Jack adds an enthusiastic "they looked so good in the first half how did they lose?" I believe he cares and clearly watched the game. Unlike Ed Harding who was probably too busy yelling at neighborhood kids to get of his lawn.

Sadly, Alice Cook gives the Pats report. I just can't believe she's still on TV. She's so old she voted for a Pharaoh. She hasn't been hot since we thought mercury was safe.

Come on WBZ, you are doing the right thing by bringing in Melissa Mack. Thank you. Now lets move Nana Cook to assisted living and get her Florida replacement up here STAT

Thursday, December 3, 2009

quick takes: 7 news at 4pm - 12/3/2009

frances rivera - the fine filipino is wearing a white blouse with a high fluffy ruffled collar.  i haven't seen an outfit like this since i played the harpsichord at the whig party ball.  she looks like a member of the upper crust.  frances has a lot of trouble pronouncing "six pack" on the sopporo "space beer" story.  she does manage to say "juvenile humpback" properly.  (-15 unsexy points)

victoria warren - vicky's in lawrence with some story about embezzlement by a court clerk - to the tune of $12k a week.  i can't take my eyes off of vicky.  she's making my best of the week list for sure.  (40 points)

elin woods - i never realized how nice tiger woods' wife's breasts are.  maybe it's the kids.  (2 round points)

janet wu - the good wu is in worcester for the 10th anniversary of the warehouse fire that killed 6 firefighters.  the wind keeps blowing janet's hair gently across her cheek.  (15 points)

pill brownies? there seems to be some confusion at the columbus school in medford.  someone put pills in some brownies that were eaten by a couple of students.  jeez, i've told these kids a thousand times - put pot in the brownies...and scarf pills down like tic tacs.  as a bonus, this story has some great medford accents during the "on the street interviews".  i'm pretty sure i'd fund a museum of medford accents.

does anyone else dig the "national floors direct" chick?  she's got nicer breasts the elin woods and looks sort of like a hotter Cindy Fitzgibbon.

kim khazei - k2 says "drug fueled sex game" and "unlawful intercourse" in consecutive stories.  (30 points)

mike capuano - you will get my vote nevah, nevah, nevah.

sorboni banerjee - back in north andover as the fire dept gets to put their christmas sign back up.  after all the fuss - i was expecting a pretty sweet looking sign.  uh, nope.  hey sorboni, that is one sharp red leather jacket.   (12 days of pointage)

Dylan who?

As reported by Boston TV News: "The Scoop" WBZ channel 4 is bringing a new hottie to take the place of the ever friendly and curvy Sarah Wroblewski to do weekend weather. At first I was very sad because I like to switch over from Amanda Grace on Channel 7 to catch Sara on 4 for the weekend weather. I prefer her college girl delivery to Mark Margarit's flight attendant feel. So I'm sad to see her going down the Mish Michaels road to extinction. However the new chick, Melissa Mack from Cleveland gives WBZ a legit hot weather girl to rival Dylan Dryer. And she is brunette!! If she wears glasses then I am definitely crashing the WBZ Holiday Party.

Welcome to Boston Mack.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

quick takes: 7 news at 6pm - 12/1/2009

frances riveria - she can even make black and grey look exciting. (15 points)

linda ergas - linda's looking rough and tough in leominster with the feel good story of the holiday season.  caesar cedino (sp?) was pulled over by police after running a red light in his van with his wife and three kids (ages 11, 7 and 4) along for the ride.  police say he was twice the legal limit.  

police also say that in addition to running a red light, caesar couldn't say the alphabet backwards, couldn't count to 30 and that caesar told them he had consumed 2 beers and 5 shots of captain morgan.

caesar's wife counters that the light caesar ran was yellow...not red, that nobody can say the alphabet backwards and that if her husband (who admitted to consuming 7 drinks) was drunk - she would not have let him behind the wheel.

caesar is being charged with child endangerment and havin' a little captain in him.

(20 rough and ready points for linda ergas)

(-22 points for caesar - the combined ages of his kids)

janet wu - the good wu is in chelmsford where 1 person in a roadside work crew was injured and another was killed when a car hit a dumpster truck and a jersey barrier.  oddly enough, there's no interview with the tiresome "deval patrick is against public safety" brigade.  i guess i need to wait for tomorrow's herald for that.  7 also has some footage of a couple of surviving work crew members looking pretty somber.

i'll say one thing:  the medflight chopper and the good wu are both pretty sweet looking.

victoria warren - victoria is looking wonderfully disheveled tonight in new hampshire.  she's covering the upcoming deployment of the nh national guard and its connection to tonight's obama afghanistan speech.  vicky's brown puppy dog eyes are perfect for this sad holiday story.

joe amorosino - joe's body language is just...tense.  i know tense - and joe's fucking tense.  a goddamn coiled spring.  look at his stiff arms as he gesticulates.  the camera men must be on eggshells.  i am relieved that no tantrum is thrown and nobody is injured during tonight's sportscast.

rhett lewis - rhett's in n'awlins reporting on the giant turd the pats laid in the superdome on monday night.  he appears to be losing a bit of his goofiness.  maybe some hurricanes from pat-o's mellowed him out. (5 points)

christa delcamp - how does she do it?  she's a tight round mound of a whole lotta yummy.  tonight she's got the story of the north andover fire dept being forced to take down their "merry christmas" sign because the town had previously refused to allow a local rabbi to put a menorah on the town common throughout hanukkah.   in other news, the boston globe still has its "happy kwanza" sign up.(35 plump points)

tonight 7 news plays footage of marilyn monroe smoking "a marijuana cigarette" in new jersey.

I think Diana Rocco is Baba Wawa's daughter. You be the judge

which wu?

Anchor Slang

Danger Cooper- Steve Cooper WHDH Channel 7

Nana Cook- Alice Cook WBZ Channel 4

Cupcake - Nicole Oliverio WHDH Channel 7

fine filipino - frances rivera

foxy franchise - maria stephanos

the girl with the curious hand - gail huff

the golden girls - the anchors at newscenter5 (ed harding included)

the missing moustache - dan hausle

to "ridley" the script - to roll up one's script into a tube and make a jerking off motion with it.

Team Blond- Anne Allread and Dylan Dryer

the third banana - mike dowling

wrong way randy - randy price

young skywalker - heather unruh