"Ich bin ein Berliner."

Jonathan Elias- when referring to JFK's speech from Berlin he said Kennedy’s "Eeek bean...well his German speech". (minus 10 for miss pronouncing a quote from one of the most famous speeches in the last 100 years and plus 5 for me not knowing you existed. -5 total.)


Paula Ebben- I've been trying to figure her out for a few weeks now and I think I've got it. It took a while because I was distracted by her hair that moves independently of her head and her spring break party rack. What bothers me is she is forcing sincerity on me. She just seems to be forcing her friendship in my face. It’s like when religious people come to my door. Just way to friendly right off the bat. (minus 5)

Same thing goes for Ed Harding. His delivery is comfortable and flows well but I just keep waiting for the sales pitch. I feel like if I watch WCVB to long I'll own a time share. (minus 10)

butch stearns replaced by a watch and/or phone

in this morning's herald, jessica heslam (yum) gives butch stearns the opportunity to remind potential employers that he was not let go due to performance and also to show that he's hip to new media:

“I can’t speak for Fox, but the reason I was let go was not performance-related,” Stearns said.

butch tells the herald: “Right now, I can get my information on my watch or on my phone. Things are so immediate now that the job of a TV sportscaster has changed dramatically.”

so butchie thinks he's gone because people can get sports news from a phone?  i'm not sure i'm following butch's math here...but from this statement, he clearly has as firm a grasp on new media as he does on plagiarism.



yup. butchie is a regular web 2.0 visionary.  we here at the anchor can't wait for further details on the planned launch of butchstearns.com.  i can see the pitch now: "come to the site of a guy who's out of work as a result of the evolution of how sports information is now accessed and consumed."



BTW - as of this morning, it appears that the butchstearns.com domain is parked at go daddy and available for purchase.

<< update: butch now has a landing page up.  >>


jessica's article also reports that butch has already "interviewed and met with dozens of people about his next step over the past five to six weeks."


at the plush offices of the anchor - all fingers are crossed for our pipedream of butchie (or anyone) replacing ass clown gerry callahan at weei.  then it's one hateful turd down and one gin-bloated douchebag to go. 



butchie, while you're no don gillis or bob lobel - you're no zip rezzipa or bob gamere either.

why do i always feel the need to grab the purell after typing the name "bob gamere"?


butchie's last segment is this thursday.

Zombies Are Real

I took Friday 11/6 off to do research on the Noon news.  I assembled a team of highly opinionated and trusted advisors and to dig into the the mid-day editions.  Here were my thoughts from the meeting:

The Channel 7 mid-day news has a new look and a new style that makes me think they can read my mind. Now it's a solo show with Anne Allred doing all the news without Adam Williams. Adam is fine (for a total wuss) but having him on mid-days with Anne is like the reason we stopped using airplanes with 2 wings (bi-planes); we don't need it anymore. Sorry Adam, but you were taking up way too much air time from Team Blonde.

It's Anne over to Dylan back to Anne. That's an equation for success. Toss in a few full standing shots of Anne and 7 is a big winner at noon. Oh, and a huge bonus for the editor that put in the full body side shot of Anne helping the guy from The Office John Krasinski "Local Actor Done Good" clip on his mic.

So I switch over to WCVB to see what's doing on their mid-day show and am shocked into an involuntary scream as I'm reminded that Susan Wornick returns from the grave every day to anchor the noon news. Why in God's name? Her face has this strange smoothness and color of the clown who files the helicopter in the movie FX2 starring Bryan Brown and Brian Dennehy. Her speech patterns and emotions indicate that Nurse Ratchet is her PCP.

So my colleagues and I flip back and forth between 7 and 5 with alternating screams of fear and sighs of comfort. I'm confused why WCVB keeps letting Susan Wornick's voodoo on the noon news when Bianca de la Garza is ready, willing, and as Anchorman has said, "nearly single and 'bout ready to mingle." For shame WCVB. For Shame.

off topic: sports hub quickly cuts into 'eei's piece of the ratings pie

per the globe's chad finn, the sports hub is already making inroads against the smug behemoth weei in the arbitron ratings.

from finn's story:

"The Arbitron ratings for the period Sept. 17-Oct. 14 were released yesterday, and as usual, WEEI is rightfully pleased with its numbers, finishing first in the morning, second in afternoon drive time, and fifth overall in the market.

The catch, though, is that the fledgling competition is justifiably ecstatic with theirs.

The Sports Hub climbed from 17th in the market in September to 12th in October, its overall share increasing from 2.5 to 3.6. But the truly spectacular progress came elsewhere. Consider:

• The afternoon drive program “Felger and Massarotti’’ finished fourth in the 18-49 male demographic, edging the long-entrenched “The Big Show,’’ which was sixth.

• The Sports Hub’s cumulative audience - the number of listeners that tuned in during the ratings period for more than five minutes - was 780,100, up from 488,000 a month ago and actually surpassing WEEI’s 696,700 “cume’’ in October.

• In the coveted core demographic of men ages 25-54, The Sports Hub bounded from 12th in September all the way to third, increasing its listenership by nearly 50 percent as its share rose from 4.0 in September to 5.9 last month."

the sad news is that they have yet to make a dent in the morning drive ratings of those friggin' ass-hats dennis and callahan. 

btw - if sucking one's own dick was an olympic sport - 'eei would walk home with all of the medals.   

yer out! butch stearns out at fox 25

the herald's jessica heslam reports that butch is out at fox 25:

"FOX 25 confirmed yesterday that they have not renewed Stearns’ contract but wouldn’t comment on their reason for letting him go. Stearns - the station’s top sports anchor - isn’t being replaced."

butch will be remembered at anchored2tv for his idiotic on air editorial defense of ron borges' alleged plagiarizing while ron was still at the globe.  butchie - a job at BUs school of communications is not in the cards.

note to dr. fever and gerald: shitcan our upcoming feature "is your fifth grader smarter than butch stearns?"

quick takes: 7 news - 11/5/2009 40 points

dave kartunen - a relatively quack-free delivery of the overview of the ft. hood shooting on the initial break from the obama press conference.  (10 points)


matt lorch - boston tv's leading adam sandler buff does a pretty good  "poor man's john king" with a digital map of the fort hood area.  (15 points)

byron barnett - byron's on the scene in belmont with the terrible story of an 18 year old girl taking a short cut across the tracks and getting hit by the commuter rail.  

ryan schulteis - also in belmont with an interview with the girl's neighbor.  sort of an odd editing choice to have the interview open with neighbor saying "she was a beautiful, asian girl."  maybe it's just me. (-5 points)

frances rivera - the fine filipino is in leather.  her white blouse is ruffled.  frances is also a bit ruffled as she fumbles badly on the hand off of the david krejci swine flu story to joe amorosino.  thankfully, joe does not fly into a rage.  (0 points)
 
nicole oliverio - did the cupcake have a late night last night?  good for her. (35 points)

7 news - you're just showing the video of the russian forklift driver destroying $170k worth of vodka now?  that clip has already made the rounds. i'll bet even the 'cvb golden girls have shown it.  (- 15 unhip points)

***
on usa - tonight it's gibbs in a coma - part 1.  he can be such a rich man's hasselhoff sometimes.

quick takes: fox25 - 11/03/2009 - 71 points

diana rocco - story on attempted car jacking in boston by homeless guy.  the victim and (eventually) the valets fight back.  diana is looking pretty tonight and has a tough ergas air about her.  (10 points) 

shirley chan - story on another green line groper.  he allegedly grabbed the ass of a teenager and then allegedly admitted this to the victim.  man, it seems like the perverts are on the loose this week.  shirley chan looks all good in her smart, shapely red blazer.  she's one to watch. (15 points)

fox 25 has the fox national guys relishing the republican victories in tonight's mid terms.  (0 fair and balanced points) 

rhode island closes the loophole legalizing indoor prostitution. do they go after haven bros next?  where's buddy cianci when you need him? (-10 points)

maria stephanos - the foxy franchise repeatedly says "prostitution".  (15 points)

sharman sacchetti - oh look, i think cruella deville has a story on tufts cracking $50k/year.   (-101 points)

quick takes: wbz - 11/3/2009 65 points

tuesday night - no time-sucking ncis marathon on usa.

so over to 'bz...

karen anderson - it's the first time i've noticed karen.  i was too busy listening to her story to check her out.  maybe this is good in some way?  she's in roxbury covering today's election and possibility menino's unprecedented fifth fucking term.  footage of flaherty and yoon and a rare street interview with a woman actually able to articulate decent, clear reasons for her support of menino.  this is not intended to be a shot at women - just at people in general.  (5 points) 

hospital stabbing story - there are elements of honor, decency and class in this sad story.  (35 points)

lisa hughes - hits it out of the park every night.  she's head and shoulders above anyone when it comes to presenting a story with a genuine sense of really understanding it.  (35 points)

kate merrill - cities and towns installing cameras at traffic lights to forcefully take more money from taxpayers and non-taxpayers alike.  that's fucking great.  what's the over/under for the start of the revolution?  kate - you're awfully good...but today i'm shooting the messenger. (- 10 points)

steve burton - i just think he's a goof.  the state of number one sports anchors in boston is sad.  is twibell available? jesus, is roger twibell still alive?  does he even need to be?  maybe i should flip over to fox 25 just so i can have a reason to rip on butch stearns.  (-15 stuttering, unhelpful, distracting adjective points)

alice cook - typical pats mid-week report.  in each moment, alice's eyes manage to say, "back to you neumie."  i'm looking at her and thinking, "jeez, skaters age well...but then i remember nancy kerrigan and tonya harding.  alice - you keep on keeping on. (15 points)

A tale of two reporters

It’s no secret that if Anchorman and I got into the Channel 7 Christmas party I would spend my time chatting up Anne Allred and Nicole Oliverio. Anchorman would feed Victoria Warren a river Captain and Cokes until security was called. Anchorman and I have had the Oliverio/Warren debate almost every time we are killing time at the Anchored2tv penthouse.

In watching both reporters cover the horribly tragic story of the NH boy killed on Halloween night by a falling tree limb I realized I must give some ground - I've come to realization that Victoria Warren is the better reporter. She delivers the emotionally crushing story with the right "everything is going to be alright" voice you need during such a sad life moment. She gives you a hug through the TV, holding you close and rocking you back and forth. She says "Shhhhh I'm here for you."  Nicole, ah, not so much. She delivers the story in her usual emotionless way. No comfort, no hugs.  Just the facts.

It is true that I have a long history of choosing the wrong women, and it seems to be true here as well. So I would like to officially say that Yes Anchorman you are right. Victoria is the better reporter and she looks great in the New England autumn. Perhaps the Channel 7 Christmas party may find Victoria surrounded by the two of us and a sea for Captain and cokes. At least I'll always have Anne.

And off topic: Yes Anchorman, Tonya (real world/road rules) is totally crazy. Charles Manson watches her andy says "Damn that chick's nuts." Much like Manny, her days were always numbered. You can't keep a rabid animal in your garage forever. Eventually it will escape or eat your face off. Everyone knew this on her first day of shooting and you should have known this too.

We Like 'em cute

Why is it that in New England we like our weather girls to be cute but not blazing hot? This is a question that is often a topic of discussion at our weekly blog meetings in the Anchored2tv penthouse. Gerald believes it hurts their creditability to be too hot. Yeah, it might be a little of that, but I believe it’s more that our old New England puritan ways are seeping through. Anything that feels good must be bad. It's why my step Mom still tries to buy a car without air-conditioning. If you are comfortable and happy then you must not be working and there for you are going to Hell.

J.C. Monahan from channel 5 or Cindy Fitzgibbons on Fox are cute but not hot. They are the girls who were runners up in the homecoming pageant in High School.  Sara Wroblewski, as I have mentioned before is the "cute friend of your girlfriend".  The one who properly walks the line between cute and hot is Dylan Dryer. Like this morning's pants suit, very hot but then her banter with Anne Allred is a mudslide of cuteness.

I'm not asking for the super-galactic hotness of the Spanish weather girls Mary Gamarra or Jackie Guerrido But somewhere in-between might be nice. We'll get out weather reports, feel good even if the reports calls for wind driven icy rain and total darkness and stay out of hell.


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