I hope this is a permanent change but lately channel 7 WHDH's sports guy Larry Ridley has fixed his problem with masturbating his script while giving his sports reports. Larry's crutch was a couple of pages of rolled up paper and would stroke lovingly during his sports reports. Once you notice it, you don't listen to a word he says. First you are embarrassed because suddenly there is a person in the room giving a hand job to inanimate object. Then you are shocked that nobody at channel 7 hasn't pulled Larry aside and told him what he does. Or Larry himself hasn't noticed his treating his script like an dancer at a Adam Lambert video casting.
Well the problem has been solved. Larry now folds his script in half the long way to he can't get a good bus station bathroom grip on it. Now he is only in danger of a nasty paper cut. I don't know how it happened and I don't care. All I know is when I watch the news I won't feel like I'm watching 9 1/2 Weeks with my grandmother.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
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Not being a big sports fan, I must say I'm really saddened by the change. It started to become the highlight of each broadcast for the wife and I. Larry really worked that rolled up paper like a pro. Not satisfied to merely stroke the shaft, he would occasionally pinch the tip of his rolled up paper- a move I have not tried, and cannot personally endorse. He clearly got a talking to about this behavior, and now the nightly local news is just a little less bearable. Thank you Larry Ridley, for having taught us a thing or two about self-romance as you read off your insufferable football stats.
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